Day One Hundred Eighty One: Anyone Got A Knife?

Some days I feel at the end of my rope. I feel that the best thing would be to just cut loose from the rope altogether. What would that mean, really? Change certainly but what? And if I could change it would I have not by now? And what is change? I am still there, no matter what else changes. All external circumstances are just that. External. To what or who I really am. And what is that...


Sigh.


So I dwell somewhere here, corporal in some respects, toying with material, creating art, creating my life. Wondering all the time if I can get better at toying, happier at being, more creative, more expressive, gentler with myself and others. Then again, when will I stop worrying about it and just be.


I am happy, creative, gentle, expressive. Its all good.


Now for art...

Wednesday, June 30: sharpie and pen on paper, 9x12

Day One Hundred Eighty:The Complete Blank

I sat down to write a short piece for today. And wonder of wonders, the full head aching for the time to spill its contents on to paper has gone completely blank. 


When I am with friends I am full of tales to tell, the sharing of stories around a fire is a traditional rite, and I am great at the oral tradition of that. 


However, without that directed person to regale the tale to, I slink into the corner of my mind and refuse to produce. Right now I am proceeding on the premise that if I type long enough something positively Shakespearean will appear.


Until that happens I will present this to you in hopes that I will feel okay about my responsibilities to myself. 

Tuesday, June 29: 

Day One Hundred Seventy Nine: Because it was so fun

Camping photos:

Happy campers:

Magic camp protection, Dawson:

Josh is a bad ass:

The stump in the midst of the fire:

Phillips Lake:

Monday, June 28: photos

Day One Hundred Seventy Eight: Boooooosh

Okay, camping was so weird.

Sunday: June, 27: mixed media

Day One Hundred Seventy Seven: Camping Birthday

So, It is Josh's birthday today. So we camped and played with friends.


And Yes, fire is art, photos are art, fun is passion:

This fire was a beast, it needed constant tending and constant foraging.

Anyone see the scary face in this one....

And finally, the birthday boy: Josh-

Saturday, June 26: fire and photos

Day One Hundred Seventy Six: Camping Looms

Camping this weekend. I need to prepare.

Friday, June 25: Sharpie on Paper, 9x12

Day One Hundred Seventy Five: Bike Riding Saved My Life

Can I be and art / bike ambassador? AmBadAssador?

Thursday, June 24: Sharpie on Paper, 9x12

Day One Hundred Seventy Four: Mind Meld

 I who can talk an ear off given the right circumstances am finding myself bereft of words. I Can feel myself becoming, and I suppose the words are irrelevant. But that gets a bit tricky when you are writing a fucking blog everyday. 

I know when I started this project, I was pretty sure that at least were I was concerned, art was visual. I still maintain that... but steam is leaving the kettle on that one... I so respect musicians as artists, and writers have shaped my brain since I knew what reading was. 

So, can I be bold enough to allow myself to be a writer as well as a painter. I think I shall. Stay tuned. I will turn bereft of words into a shit storm of words.

 

Wednesday, June 23: Sharpie on paper, 9x12

Day One Hundred Seventy Three; Balls, Sparkly Balls

Sparkly balls is written in the car... an experiment in the obtuse locations that art can form.

But from that location silence falls and cigerettes get smoked, sheepish silence falls as nothing is said. Forced art sucks, art should make itself and I should just enjoy the ride. Every time I start to worry about the product and not the wind in my hair, the product gets stuck in quality control. 

Welcome to fucking tuesday:

Tuesday, June 22: mixed media

Day One Hundred Seventy Two: Sniffle, Cough, Hack!

I hate to bitch about being sick, but enough already. I took a handful of ibuprofen and am already tucked into bed. Enough with the cough, the sinus shit, the aching ears and the fever. I want to ride my bike. And I shall. I declare that tomorrow morning will be beautiful and I will awaken feeling like an athlete and will bike ride enough to justify the steak that entered my belly over the weekend. Okay, lymphatic system, get your lazy ass off the couch and get busy, the rest of the system has got stuff to do.

So I will be love until then.

Monday June 21: Sharpie on paper

Day One Hundred Seventy One: Bee Love

Experimentation is always good in my world. Working new ideas out is what keeps me going. Right now, I am trying to find my next muse; and it is confusing.

Sunday, June 20: Sharpie on Paper

Day One Hundred Seventy: Can I Create a Fantasy?

I used to be able to do it all the time... But I think a new idea would be awesome, riding my bike to Austin Texas. I would love the reset of my brain. And a sponsor, and a book in the making and a kick ass trip and some nice thighs when I am done.... let the adventure begin.

So the idea is the bees on the trip, bikes, beer, boys, bob, beyond, beautiful, because...

Saturday, June 19: pencil on paper

Day One Hundred Sixty Nine: If I knew Me, I would be...

holy cow, again, I find myself baffled, by myself.

I wish I was more interesting to those around me. Unfortunately, I stay up way longer than the wonderful people that were here.

What do you think of the mid-late-life-altering lifestyle change this week.

Friday, June 18: sharpie on paper. 9x12

hate the photo quality.

Day One Hundred Sixty Eight: Sleep

The downside of a day of elation is the total exhaustion that follows. 

My mind is harder to control when I need rest. It drifts into things I would prefer to ignore. With that in mind and all my other fears on the edge, I need to sleep. Sleep. Sleep!

If only it were that easy. Bold statements don't make it real.

Thursday, June 17: Sharpie on paper, 9x12

Day One Hundred Sixty Seven: I Am Back

I feel more myself today than I have in... well, years.

I leapt. I ventured into my own unknown. Finally I have met myself and am willing to risk for what I want. I don't even know what I was saving myself for... death, fuck that. I want what I want. I will have it or I will move along and compartmentalize the rest for when I am stronger.

Forgotten me just reared her bowed head and stood up. 

Alien to all, remember to smile.

Wednesday, June 16: mixed media.

Day One Hundred Sixty Six: The Void Was Breached.

I slunk away to a hideout. And viola, the object of my current confusion appeared. How is that possible? Did the universe know to create the path to me? How did that happen? How did I suddenly need to figure out what I really feel? I could not. I only got confused, baffled.

Tuesday, June 15: Sharpie on paper, 9"x12"

Day One Hundred Sixty Five: Creating a Void

They say that nature abhors a vacuum and will fill it immediately. Well, my void is looming, I wonder what will appear to complete the process.

Under the guise of doing the right thing, I alienate. I remove myself. I am the void I am hoping will fill. My boundary is mesh, I can't contain the small details. I drift in a thousand directions, each hoping to find myself there. 

Superficial at best, my spark is no more than a sparkler.

Monday, June 14: Sharpie on paper, 9"x12"

Day One Hundred Sixty Four: Attachment Disorder.

Absolute uncertainty. I can embrace it, but I would like some certainty soon.

Sunday, June 13: Sharpie on Paper, 9"x12"

Day One hundred Sixty Three: The rest of the story...

So, I am always amazed at how my expectations get trumped by reality.

In my best of imaginings, the world always has better plans. And the stupid thing that seemed so weird, just disappeared in the midst of a plastic fruit reality.

Saturday, June 12: redux

Day One Hundred Sixty Two: East of the border

I knew this town would be conquered by someone. I should have known the most irreverent takes the day. I appreciate the apparent lack of control. Even when execution is consistent. I get all nervous. I have a place, a role... But sometimes I get to jump out of my regular idea and see that I should  stop trying so hard and have more fun.

HAHAHAHA

Friday, June 11: sharpie on paper, 9x12..... uh... unfinished at this photo... 

back later... oh boy.

Day One Hundred Sixty One: Focus, Focus, Focus

I seem to be loosing my focus. The art somehow took a back seat to other whims. And it is unfortunate, the result.

I vow to forgo all other pursuits until the focus is returned to making good art. 

Until then:

Thursday, June 9, 2010: sharpie on paper, 9"x12"

Day One Hundred Sixty: I got Zapped

Really. The Zapper. It might be voodoo, but my wanna-be cold is gone, my lungs are clearer by far. I wanna get Zapped again.

Wednesday, June 9: Sharpie on Paper, 9"x12"

Day One Hundred FIfty Nine: This Flickering Light Above Is Warping My Thoughts

I feel sallow in its dying rays. My sentence is gone. My sense is gone.

Perhaps it is the strobe light.

Ouch my eyes, ouch my brain...

Tuesday, June 8: Sharpie on paper, Card stock

Day One Hundred Fifty Eight: I Hear You Knocking

Please come in. That would be the next thing I need. All signs are pointing towards you. I just should say yes. I will just say yes.

Monday, June 7: Sharpie on Paper, 9"x12"

Day One Hundred Fifty Seven: I Need Power

My power cord is on its last legs here. My brother did a solder job on it a week ago, but that only bought me a week. I went to a bunch of places and the prices for a universal replacement ran from 75 to 140 depending on where and what. Awesome...

So, the internet, and Amazon. For 13 I can get the exact cord for this model. However, that pesky 5-7 day shipping, what is that all about, doesn't everything pretty much ship the same these days? Five to seven, what is that, Greyhound? 

At any rate, until then, my computer time is limited, I should make some art.

Sunday, June 6: stone

Day One Hundred Fifty Six: Another Saturday Night.

Sooooooooo tired.

Saturday June 5: Stone

Day One Hundred and Fifty Five:My dream is set in stone

or something like it:

Friday, June 4: stone

Day One Hundred Fifty Four: So Many Pretty People

Everywhere I look I am amazed and amused by the array of people around me, all beautiful, unique, interesting.  In all that, where is my muse. No where to be seen. I lost sight for a minute and the crowd engulfed.  

Now I need to go look. 

I love the aimless search. More bike riding...

Thursday, June 3: Pastel, Acrylic on Paper, 9"x12"

Day One Hundred Fifty Three: California Poppies

I love this time of year. California poppies are so beautiful, bountiful, colorful. 

Fleeting.

But then what isn't? 

Wednesday, June 2: Pastel, Acrylic on Paper

Day One Hundred Fifty Two: Sun Bleeds Through the Rain

thank you for an opportunity to live in a state of contentment

Tuesday, June 1: Sharpie on Card Stock.